Wow

How did I get this healthy…I may have a slight sinus infection and it’s hurting to sit these days, that’s not what I mean.  I don’t remember the last time I cried, or flipped out, or got bogged down in crap.

I think I’m doing a decent job of loving with expectancy rather than expectations and responding instead of holding me responsible for everyone around me and them responsible for me.  In other words living loved – I still really like my tattoo.  Or…loving like Jesus said to…through being filled with His love.

My facebook, or twitter, or something update says I’m earning an A this summer.  My goal was a B+ and the rating scale is based on the above criteria.

I’m good when I’m alone, like tonight, or when the kids are around, or with my daughter upstairs laughing, downstairs watching SITC together, or dealing with stuff that hasn’t always gone well (damn we’re getting good!) on the softball field, playing volleyball ( a bit challenging) with the guy, without him (okay – so I’m still on a fairly steep learning curve on that deal)…it doesn’t seem to matter, things are good.

The total break from religion and legalism is getting really close.  I think that’s important for most of the relationships I’m in right now.  The whole experiencing instead of judging thing is a big deal…especially when developing relationships with people who smoke, drink more than might be best on occassion, smoke pot when they’re way too young…I really like hanging out with all of you all!  The fact that I have support from people who are in “the system” helps a lot.  It’s all part of being a cowboy marathon runner. 

I threw away the study Bible and got out my very first Bible.  It feels really good.  I love hearing God talk to me and I’m getting more and more free to have that happen.  It’s mostly about knowing when it’s time to go to the store and having no accident contact with people.  Even hearing God is incredibly non religious…and so good. 

It’s all part exchanging my hard working can’t get it right balls for passionate, playful, priceless Pam balls and being a soft, self respecting, risk taking woman, and, of course, living loved.

It’s a good Friday night even though the yard isn’t mowed, there’s dishes in the sink