Oh Shit

I’m in this really nice relationship, but when I don’t stay in the moment it really freaks me out.  I also need to figure some stuff out that has to do with me, but has been brought to focus as the result of my relationship with him.  Should be an interesting Friday afternoon Lindsie Lu.

I’m applying for a job that would probably mean taking between a 4000 and 8000 a year pay cut.  I don’t really have enough money right now, but I think that’s where my heart is and staying where I am because of money…I don’t think I feel good about that.  But…I have that girl…and that girl isn’t a girl any more.  And I could have a student teacher and do some counseling, and maybe some administrative work and my kids love me and I have a really good program, and Barry could use a mentor and I still don’t think that’s where my heart is and God’s my provider not my job.  My belief level on that last one is pretty low but it’s probably still right.

An ex student may end up living with me…and I have that relationship…and I might make a lot less money next year…and there’s Barbara…

I’m involved in a lot of stuff.  I like it that way, but today when I got home from school exhausted and spend to the point of tears I was really glad no Pink HOme Church kids showed up until about an hour late so I could have some sit and stare and let God fill me up time.  Gotta guard that, but He’s given me so many good things to do.

And I’m still sleeping fairly well most nights.  I’ve gotten up at 5:30 the last two mornings to watch and wait, and just hang out with God…well tried, did better this morning.