A Nasty Little Revelation

I know now what it was like for my mom to realize that wanting/nagging/worrying about dad to get better and take care of himslef and not be in pain was selfish.  I know it was annoying.  I responded by not wanting to be around her and not always being very nice.  Well I had my own nasty little revelation today.  I’m selfish.  I want sometimes want the people around me to “get ur done” for me not for them.  And I can be naggy and pushy and unpleasant to be around.

I get that way when I feel the need to take care of myself.  To make sure I get enough sleep, because I am sick, becaue I have a big day coming up (that’s pretty much every day and I like it that way).  In other words it’s about me.  The good news is, it’s not about you, the bad news is I can make you feel judged because I’m judging, but I’m not judging you, I’m judging me and how I’m choosing to let you affect me.  I’m choosing. 

“I know how to live in plenty and in want. I am content with little or with much.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  These are all quotes from Paul and they’re all true.  Little or much sleep, money, time for myself…I can’t take care of me so I should stop trying.  I can’t take care of you so I should stop pretending.  I can be me and that’s all I have and that’s enough.  The rest is a bonus.